agony of impossible year.

Day 2 of 365!

How’s your day so far, people?

Mine was great, I spent some time with my nieces and nephew playing game and walk around with them. I ate delicious beef stir-fry made by my grandmother (her beef cooking is the best). I got to try a new snack on a new snack stand near my neighborhood, it’s called Ugly Hotdog, basically like a corn dog but with fries, lots of them. Better than original corn dog. I forgot to take a picture of it, I’m already drooling by the sight of it.

It’s small thing but it was great for me.

My stomach and my taste bud is happy.

This is where I act toward this year resolution. On previous years, I’ve always told myself that I will be a better person or greater person than before but often it left me unhappy because I want more than that. There’s some expectation that I set, but it was too high.

Sometime almost everything I wanted to have or wanted to be, it drifted away further from my grasp when I tried to chase them.

Now I just set my resolution to be a happier person. It actually not to far fetched with my previous resolution, I’m still trying to be a better person, but most importantly a happier one. Last year was such a roller-coaster ride both physically and mentally.

I actually wanted to share this music video on the Dec 31st, 2016, but my internet provider decided became a-grade-A-pain-in the ass so I can’t access my internet at all.

Impossible Year – Panic! At The Disco

There’s no sunshine
This impossible year
Only black days and sky grey
And clouds full of fear
And storms full of sorrow
That won’t disappear
Just typhoons and monsoons
This impossible year

There’s no good times
This impossible year
Just a beachfront of bad blood
And a coast that’s unclear
All the guests at the party
They’re so insincere
They just intrude and exclude
This impossible year

There’s no you and me
This impossible year
Only heartache and heartbreak
And gin made of tears
The bitter pill I swallow
The scars souvenir
That tattoo, your last bruise
This impossible year

There’s never air to breathe
There’s never in-betweens
These nightmares always hang on past the dream

The second song I’d like to share is from my favourite singer all the time, the only singer from my country that I can hear the song over and over and I will still fall in love with the music.

This song particularly, I love it because this song accompany me trough the shittiest day. It’s not a happy song at all. The singer (Adhitia Sofyan) has personally explained the meaning behind this song, you can read it in his blog post.

For me, it’s a song where you’re admitting that you’ve been beaten up badly by life and ready to accept it that life almost defeated you. Instead of giving up, you began admitting defeat not because it rules you but because you started to seeing it as your close friend, a good friend indeed, your companion.

My explanation and the singer explanation was a bit different about the ending, but life is about perspective. There are so much ending we can have, why stuck on one?

Adhitia Sofyan “Agony of Defeat” live from the bedroom

You tell them they can show their faces
I’m not afraid anymore
I have thrown away all my senses
Deep in the dark ocean floor

Oh, let’s not be fooled again
Waiting for my favorite color
We’re all have been foolish to wait
Standing in line where the bridge has been broken

Oh, look at the stars crying their eyes to celebrate
Pouring it down, washing away all the pretty illusions
Yes, well hello my friend, I thought it was you,
my good friend, defeat
We go hand in hand, walking along across land of delusion

You tell them they can burn my traces
So I won’t be found anymore
I’ve finally put down all defenses
Surrender and walk out that door

Oh, let’s not be fooled again
Waiting for our favorite colors
We’re all have been insane to wait
Standing in line where the bridge has been torn down

Have a good day. Please go to sleep.

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